I came across this image on my facebook feed this morning and it spark a memory and an emotional tool.
About 8 years ago, my marriage councilor told me I wasn’t in touch with my feelings and this was one of her examples. My trauma was/is “I don’t want to be a burden,” combine with being an empath and having so many people dump their feelings on me and me taking on their emotions and problems as my own. I didn’t want to do that to others so I would say, “I’m good,” and I’m fine” when I wasn’t good or fine.
She basically said: when we say we are “fine” or “okay” or “good” when we are not, we are disconnecting ourselves from our own emotions. We are bottling up. We are disassociating. We are lying to ourselves and others.
She challenged me to say what I actually feel and follow it up with phrases that basically say, “You don’t have to do anything. I can handle it. Thanks for listening.”
So I’m admitting the emotion to myself and others. I’m not dumping on anyone like I feared. They are not obligated to do anything. and genuine offers to help sometimes emerge. (and accepting help is a whole other trauma 
)
)So, “I’m sad. My friend is in the hospital. You don’t have to do anything. I’m managing it. I might be a little off today. Thanks for listening.”
Or, “I’m angry. Everything at work went wrong today. I’m not mad at you. You don’t have to do anything. I can handle it, I just need some time to decompress. Thanks for asking and thanks for listening.”
8 years of doing this challenge and I realized I don’t even think about it anymore. I say how I feel by default and in doing so, “bottling up” is no longer how I live my life. I highly recommend this challenge to the empaths, people pleasers, and hyper-independent “I don’t want to be a burden” people out there. Your feelings are valid. Own them.